I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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