for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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