oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
