dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
