Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
