What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
