Princesses don't give blow jobs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
