Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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