Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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