I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
