Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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