I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
