it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
