My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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