Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
