Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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