you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
