If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this just has baby written all over it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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