hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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