when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
