They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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