I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
