Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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