Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
