The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
