Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
