I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
