her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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