he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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