Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
