Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
