I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
