I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
