Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
