My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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