maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
