and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
