I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just cropdusted the office
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
