Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
