i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
