Whod you bang
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
