Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
