I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
