Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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