could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
