If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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