I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
