I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
