She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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