I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
