Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
