we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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