my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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