Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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