This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
