Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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