imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
