It's like God shit irony all over that family
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
